Hello and Happy Friday!
It took me longer than I expected to have this post up because I wanted to pour my heart, my thoughts and truly inspire and maybe even give someone the push they need to leave the “situationship” they are in now. I am not an expert in love by all means, but I do know what I deserve and I know that every person deserves true love and happiness. I am a woman that has been heartbroken but through that heartbreak I grew and found my strength.
Before you continue to read, I would like to warn you that this post is long. Grab a cup of your favorite coffee or tea and lets chat!
Earlier this month, I attended the Real Love Tour presented by Tony Gaskins Jr. If you have not heard of him, glad you are here because his words will change your life! Tony Gaskins is a self-made better yet a God-made entrepreneur. He is a motivational speaker, bestselling author and life coach, who has appeared on the Tyra Banks Show and the highest-rated television show, The Oprah Winfrey Show. Tony Gaskins success is impressive and more than that inspiring. I suggest you Google him when we are done chatting 😊 Go follow Tony Gaskins IG page for inspiration: @tonygaskins
Sunny and I were so excited to attend this conference. Actually, I took a screenshot of Tony Gaskins IG post announcing that there were only a few tickets left and sent it to Sunny via text. A few hours later Sunny replied that he had purchased the tickets; he had bought the last two! It meant more than he knows, that he was willing to grow and learn with me. It takes a lot for some men to be okay with being put on the spotlight and that, Tony did! Hehe! I love how he did not hold back!
The Real Love Tour focused on their “Love Yourself Edition: Life, Love, and Business”. He touched on all three topics because without a doubt one will affect the other. One must love who they are, love where they are in life to translate that into their business. Tony was relatable, transparent and raw with his approach regarding love, life and business. I love that he was open about his marriage, his humble beginnings and his struggles to allow us to see how those struggles helped shape who he is now.
Lets start there: the struggles of life, more specifically the struggles within a relationship
You, you that are reading this I hope you know you are beautiful, special, worthy, enough and loved. I hope and pray that if you don’t feel those things right at this moment, you remove yourself from the situation. Love Yourself first! Don’t allow a man to define who you are, to speak anything negative over your life. Tony said something that caught my attention, “teach a man to love you.” The word “teach” stood out for me. Why do we have to teach a man something, aren’t we all adults? Hmmm… We all grow in stature but some fall short in other areas, believe me. A man who doesn’t value you, is not a man. A man should know what your values are from the beginning, a man should know that you will not bend those values for anything, a man should know that if he crosses the line, he has no chance to come back from that. Teach him, show him that you know what your values are and will not be swayed, persuaded, and moved from what you believe.
During the conference, Tony was interactive, asking men and women questions, such as, what should a woman/man have for you to date her/him? What is a turn-off? It is crazy how each person answered with conviction but reality is that not many stick to that when Mr. Right Now or Ms. Right Now comes along. Why bend our wants, our needs, our true desires for temporary happiness? Don’t allow someone to get you out of character, don’t allow someone to pull you away from your dreams. I always tell my girlfriends to be brave, to be bold, to stand firm even when others don’t agree with them, even when it hurts. Joy always comes in the morning. God always comes through.
Tony said many things that truly captivated me and to be honest, I know 100% that I was giving Sunny the side eye, like “are you listening to this!?” Haha! Tony spoke to my soul and had Sunny shook! JK!
Other things that Tony said during the conference that I know can put things in better perspective:
“Don’t be a floor mat”
My thoughts: Don’t allow a man to step all over you, to place you under his feet instead of next to him.
“Don’t be a woman of convenience”
My thoughts: Don’t make it easy for him to come in and out of your life.
“Never say you are a ride or die woman when the only one who died on a cross for you was Jesus”
My thoughts: Would you truly ride or die for a man that has never respected you?
“A man must elevate to your level if he wants you”
My thoughts: If he doesn’t, he is not ready for you, for a true commitment. Move on.
Don’t get me wrong, no one is perfect, if we all were, we wouldn’t need to call on Jesus. We wouldn’t need of God’s guidance. I truly believe people deserve chances but weigh your options, don’t allow a man/woman to walk in and out of your life as they please. How do you expect him/her to respect and value you if you continue to take them back? Stand your ground. “Don’t let your forgiveness become foolishness.”
When you let go of that toxic relationship, take time to heal, allow the healing process to take place, allow God to change your mourning into dancing. If you don’t take time to heal, you will bring that pain into your new relationships whether that is in your personal life or professional life.
Is the person I am with bringing the best out of me?
Are they willing to pray for me when I need them to without me asking?
Do they respect me, my boundaries?
Do they truly value me, not with words but with consistent actions? (consistency being the key here)
Are we EQUALLY yoked? (2 Corinthians 6:14)
– Does he/she believe what I believe?
– Do they love God above all else?
Don’t fall for potential, potential is just that. Fall for a man/woman that works hard to accomplish their goals daily. Let him/her prove themselves to you. A successful relationship sees trials and tribulations but they are so much easier to overcome if both hearts and minds are on the same page.
As stated before, I was heartbroken once. I wanted to change someone so much that I lost who I was. I bent my values for him, I created a list of dos and don’ts but that list meant nothing if I didn’t have who I wanted. Don’t be afraid to let go and let God. Don’t be afraid of being alone, you are NOT. Don’t be afraid of starting over. Don’t be afraid of hurting your partner’s feelings if you are not satisfied in the relationship. Most importantly, don’t be afraid of the unknown, every situation God uses it for our good.
“When you’re in the valley, get a lesson. Everything you go through is to teach you something. Get prepared for your next season because it may sweep you off your feet.” – Tony Gaskins
Love Yourself through every season. Put Yourself first!
Below, is a few pictures of the conference. I didn’t take many because I really wanted to soak up the entire experience. If Tony Gaskins comes to your town, please don’t miss out!
The pictures below, you see all the men that attended the conference. Tony gave them AMAZING advice, it was funny and so good for their soul too. Sunny was definitely inspired.
I love you and I pray that you always know how special and important you truly are.